Lately I’ve been making incredibly bad blunders in the game.

Even a couple of years into HeroClix, I regularly would make about one big rookie mistake per tournament. But these recent mental pratfalls take the cake!

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Exhibit One: “Girrrl, I Got Your Back — oh, Never Mind.”

I was playing my 200-pt FOXEY LADIES team: Ghost Fox Killer 68 + Loner 5, Crimson Fox 44 + Lunge 5, E Vixen 38 + Lunge 5 and R Vixen 33

(Crimson Fox is one of those pieces I didn’t like at first but grew to love a little bit. I just don’t get that many chances to play her. This little theme was perfect.) And even in a 4-man battle royale opposing a Super Skrull from Supernova and a Contingency Plan-equipped Hammer of Thor Captain America teamed WITH “Out of the Shadows” (OOTS) Justice League Batman, they were holding their own, totally.

But you read the title of this blog post, right?

So we were on the Legion of Super-Heroes indoor map. Cap was cowering on the elevated portion and I took it upon myself to fight and tie him up with a Lunging E Vixen. I had him on the ropes, but Experience Vixen was taking damage, too…Cap’s no joke. Worse, OOTS Bats was waiting in the wings to warp to an object and blast her.

Fortunately, I had Rookie Vixen free and available to block Batman’s only possible line of fire. And even if she paid the ultimate price, E Vixen’s Suicide Squad TA would kick in and she’d heal at least 1 click, maybe 4. And so I moved R Vixen to that square.

And then, unthinkingly, I changed my mind and I moved R Vixen to another square. For no good reason.

E Vixen was quite reliably KO’d in short order. Meat shield FAIL.

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Exhibit Two: “That’s Why I’m Called INVINCI — oh, wait.”

It was a 3-way battle royal on the Arena. Invincible had just made a successful HSS KO of an enemy Thor. But instead of retreating well behind the battle lines, where remaining teammates Angstrom Levy, Omni-Man or Atom Eve might be able to shield him or back him up, I put him next to a weakened opposing Spider-Man…where my TK-equipped other opponent easily plonked down a Meteorite-carrying M-11.

Six clicks gone one easy die roll later. Hypersonic Speed FAIL.

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Exhibit Three: “Yeah, Let’s start CLOSER to danger.”

In a 400-point tourny using the Fantastic Four and Power Pack with the FF ATA, I picked three apt battlefield conditions:

Assembled. That’s good for a team full of the same team symbol.

Resistance. That’s even better for this team.

…Infiltration. Wait…what? Instead of Ordinary Day? Really?

It might look like a little thing, but it truly cost me the final championship match through this string of events:

• I was unable to cancel out Deep Shadows, which
• Allowed Lamppost Batman to hide in plain sight, which
• Allowed him to Charge + Flurry + Lunge at his top speed value over and over, whereas he’d normally be much more constrained.
• And with that many attack rolls, a 19 DV is going to get hit, sooner or later. In my case, sooner. And often.

BFC Selection FAIL.

Exhibit Four: “So bad I can’t even write something cute here to minimize it.”

Once again playing a Guardians of the Galaxy team (700, 50% Floor Hammer of Thor), this time with the keyword:

V Starhawk 144 + Spotter 5
Phyla-Vell 138 + Protected 8
Star-Lord 90 + Contingency Plan 12 + Inside Information 4
E Vance Astro 70 + Ambidexterous 16
Rocket Raccoon 65
Yondu 53
R Aleta 51
Bug 44

I found myself facing, first round, this team:

Yeah, pretty daunting. He won map and picked the Lab. Not much room to use my several ranged attackers.

That’s not what broke me, though. We got to a spot where I made some short-range Running Shots on his Warriors instead of Thor & Loki, not wanting to take Mystics damage just yet. That left the big duo free to push and Running Shot me or Duo Attack me…unLESS I used Bug to tie them up for a turn. It’s almost certain doom for him if he does. But he’s only 44 points and might hit Super Senses, anyway, even for both attacks. That pushes Thor & Loki and leaves him open for Phyla-Vell and others next turn, perhaps. No-brainer.

I ended my turn without moving him.

Consequently, T & L force me to burn all 3 of my theme PCs, my Protected, and they still manage to Sidestep next to Phyla to hit her with a heavy object and all but KO her. All because I refused to sacrifice a 44-point figure.

Really?

REALLY?

I mean, didn’t I write this review on the guy?

FAIL. On so many levels.

Example Five: “Extinction Event Due to Stupidity”

600-point 4-way Battle Royale. I play an Animal theme on my choice of the Docks map:

In a battle royale against a bunch of New Avengers directly on my left, both Thor and Thor & Loki on my right and a quartet of Green Scar, Gamora, Susan Richards and CT Nightcrawler across the way.

Surrounded by all this, with my dinosaur-centric, by-far weakest team on the board, what do I do? Forget about first-turn immunity and move nearly everyone. I get triple-teamed almost immmediately and eventually wiped out with ease.

The worst of it is that I didn’t actually forget about first-turn immunity. I left two characters behind just for that purpose, and one was the first action I took. I can’t explain why I didn’t consider the rest of the team.

Consistent strategy FAIL.

Exhibit Six: “How you like that handicap, sir?”

Some of you readers may have noticed that in Exhibit 4 I burned only three theme PCs on a team build that should have had four.

That’s because it wasn’t until I started to write up this article of fail that I realized I’d forgotten to actually put R Aleta on the field for all three games.

I was going to write about what I learned from all this, but I’m too mad and depressed now. So I appeal to you, reader. What are some of your “favorite” personal moments of total FAIL in HeroClix?